How to face another day...

What will you do if someone who gave your life meaning left you? Someone who brought you joy and happiness is gone? Someone who has been a part of your days on earth no longer walks on earth with you? And no matter how you have prepared yourself that life is just temporary here on earth, still, you are not quite prepared by unexpected goodbye.

Life was not really the same when Rey left me…and it hurts so badly. I’m not ready to change my daily routines…waking up at 6am with Rey’s morning kiss, taking a bath while my brewed coffee and big breakfast is secretly being prepared by my husband(yes, oftentimes Rey would pretend sleeping still in our bed after quickly preparing my breakfast), a goodbye kiss when I’m off to work, a 10am call reminder from dear Rey that I should munch something during morning breaktime, another reminder call at noon that it’s lunchtime, another reminder call in the afternoon that I need to breath since he wants to see me alive when I come home dinner time(Rey: Tol,musta na?humihinga ka pa ba?), a call reminder when Im about to leave the office (Rey: Tol,ingat ka ha. Sayang ka rin) a sumptuous dinner together, a quick shower together and sleeping with his left arm as my pillow.

Now, everythings gone…and I can’t imagine that I would ache in all the ways that I do. I was filled with fear for I’m left alone in my room, I hate darkness, I hate coldness, I hate emptiness…Moreso, I hate my being unexpectedly angry for every reasons in the world…

I have learned all the styles of grieving from reading books, watching movies and talking to those who also had lost a loved one. I can’t help but compare my situation to them. Sometimes I just wished that Rey died due to known illness or accident. At least by these reasons, questions would be easier to answer.

And so how can I face another day? Oh well, I’ve decided that enough of the grieving already. Nanay once told me that Rey would be very happy if he sees me moving on. Ok then, I will. For Rey’s sake and all those who are pleading that they want to see the usual bubbly Joyce. Now I need to work on my schedule since most of my loved ones want to date/treat me. I missed eating actually. I would love to eat my pinakbet, sisig, bangus belly, crispy pata, calamares, bulalo, grilled liempo, talong with bagoong,etc. (am I hearing Dencio’s?)

I just want to thank all my friends, relatives and especially my Umerez and Turingan family for being with me through all my pains. Through them, it made the coping up and moving on faster and easier.

From Vanessa & Hubert Bueno: Life may sometimes be unfair; but God has a reason for everything. It may be difficult to understand those reasons now…but in time…in time. The comfort that we provide may not be enough, but should you need anything from us, we’re here to help in any manner that we can. We love you mare.

Mayet Bambalan and Ruel Dizon: In the quiet moments of your sadness, may love bring you comfort and may hope bring you peace…thinking of you at this difficult time.

Shishi Cantos, Marge & Wes Lava: I know how hard it is for you to accept what happened. It might be more difficult when days go by. Just be strong and always pray for His guidance. Just like what you’ve read in the mass card, there’s a purpose why it happened. We’ll always be here for you.

…long lines of messages actually from my dear friends and family. I may not be able to post everything here but you know who you are. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Mwa!